Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Of course I have a pirate flag
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
