Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
