cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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