if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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