i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
