You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
