So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
