Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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