You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
