if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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