very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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