be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
