Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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