Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
