I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize