we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
