I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
