3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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