shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
