If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
