I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
