Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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