I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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