Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
