You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
