I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
