yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
