I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
