I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
