May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
my liver is dry heaving
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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