I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
and she was petting her beer can
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
