so let's talk penis.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize