dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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