remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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