She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
