Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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