Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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