we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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