Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
