i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
