Sry I called you an 8
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
