the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
