sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
