Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
