Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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