oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
foreskin is a definite game changer
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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