Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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