Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
