found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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