No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize