i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
