dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Randomize
