you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
