Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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