You really coming over, don't trick.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
