I wish I could punch you in the face.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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