I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
