theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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