Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
