if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
