thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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