Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
