I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Damn victory sex feels great
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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