I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
