Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
