so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
