Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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