...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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