Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
