Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
