I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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