ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize