I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
