Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
